Acquisition Is Admirable - Loss Is Shameful

Our society teaches us from the very beginning that acquiring things makes one happy. We earn toys from Santa when we're little by being good. We get scholarships and entrance into the best universities by earning high grades. We conform to the latest trends in fashion to be accepted by our peers. These lessons serve us well through our childhood and into our adulthood. But while we learn much of how to acquire things, we have precious little information on what do when we lose them. Yet loss is inevitable.

Instead of getting useful instruction on what to do when faced with a loss, we get messages that hurry us through the pain. "What's done is done." and "Don't cry over spilt milk." and "Just move on." We are taught that if we must have some sadness and tears, it is best to do so in isolation. "If you must cry, go to your room". In other words, grieve alone. And since we were taught to grieve alone, we think others must do so as well. "Give her some space." or "He needs to be alone."

The concept that time heals all wounds is probably responsible for more heartache than any other single wrong idea our society promotes about loss. Just as you wouldn't ignore a broken arm or leg, thinking it would heal in time, a broken heart should not be ignored. If your car had a flat tire, would you pull up a chair, sit next to the car and wait patiently for air to somehow get back into the tire? Of course not. Time, in and of itself, does not heal anything. It is what you do during the time you spend grieving that helps you complete the pain caused by the loss.