Society's Messages About Dealing With Loss

The messages we get about dealing with loss include:

1. Don't feel bad.
2. Replace the loss.
3. Grieve alone.
4. Just give it time.

In addition, many times we are advised to be strong for someone else - especially if the loss did not just affect you personally. When a parent dies, it is not uncommon for the children to be told to put up a brave front so that the remaining parent won't feel so bad.

Another common piece of advice is to stay busy. But what does keeping busy accomplish? It distracts you from the emotional pain and often exhausts you. And, if you weren't a particularly busy person before the loss, this admonishment to keep busy would be yet another major change to deal with -- not all that helpful, is it?