Confusion About "Stages of Grief"

Most everyone has heard of Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and her 5 emotional stages that a dying person goes through after being diagnosed with terminal illness:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

But while her pioneering work brought awareness to stages involved with the process of dying, it has little to do with the grief that occurs after a person experiences a loss. When someone is informed of a loved one's death, whether unexpected or not, there may be an initial thought of "No, this can't be true!" but it is relatively fleeting. So, unlike the denial that may last for days, weeks, months, or even longer with someone facing terminal illness, there is little to no denial that a loss has occurred for the grieving person.

What about anger? Often there is no anger associated with learning a loved one has died. Sometimes the circumstances surrounding the death produce angry feelings (e.g., murder, suicide, or preventable accident) but if the loved one died from a lingering illness, there is little to no anger -- just a sense of relief that the person is no longer in pain.

While Kubler-Ross' stages of grief for a dying person don't necessarily apply to a person grieving a loss (due to death, divorce, etc.) there are some very common responses among grievers:

1. Reduced concentration - due to preoccupation with the emotions surrounding the loss
   
2. Sense of numbness - but it rarely lasts more than a few hours - often mistaken for denial
   
3. Disrupted sleep patterns - sleeping too much or becoming an insomniac
4. Changed eating habits - eating nonstop or losing appetite completely
5. Roller coaster of emotional energy - feeling both emotionally and physically drained

There are no time frames for grieving, nor should there be. The time a griever experiences these common responses is individualized because everyone is unique, and the circumstances regarding the loss will be different for each person. But one of the most damaging ideas is that you can "never get over" the loss. It is possible to recover from grief. And this book teaches you how...